Boredom
by AlbiontheRacistFantasyLand
Summary: When you begin to think that there's no point, why not get into the path of self-destruction ? After one failed suicide attempt and a history of drug abuse, I decided that it maybe was time for a change of environment. I thought I was fucked up. It was until I met these fuckers. Moving to Edinburgh wasn't the brightest of idea after all.
1. In my Head

**Disclamer: Obviously Irvine Welsh characters are not mine. There's an OC which is mine.**

 **English is not my first language as you'll soon come to realise so I will ask of you to be indulgent if you may. I would not be opposed to the idea of getting a beta-reader. I just don't know how to acquire one.**

 **Here's the fucking prologue, enjoy !**

 **Rated M for the strong language and the use of drugs.**

* * *

 **Boredom: A Prologue**

There I was, fucking Scotland. The scotts and their horrendous accents.

And here I was, the depressed french girl despising other people accents. I was nothing but a big fucking joke man.

I just recently moved here, in the smallest apartment ever. I wasn't brought up in what you would call luxury, but that doesn't that I had no standards when it comes to living somewhere. This was shite but it would do for now.

I sighed, it was something I tend to do a lot. It comes with the depression package if you ask me. No one ever asked me anything though, not that I'd have anything interesting to say for that matter.

As I slowly began to unpack I started to already make plans on how I would get what kept me afloat. The dope. It sounds so unoriginal and it is, I'm a boring and bored person, bore people is what I do for a living. What worried me was if the people here would have what it is that I seek: Ketamine, my drug of predilection. In that stance, I wasn't too bad. It wasn't really expensive, or at least in France. It wasn't the hardest of drug. You couldn't get physically dependent to it and least but not the last: you didn't had to stick a needle in your fucking arm to get high. That was certainly a plus. I had used cocaine before, didn't quite make it for me. I used mdma from time to time, when I got out to party which wasn't a lot. Speed I didn't found interesting in the least and Heroin I never did, wasn't intending to.

I had no idea where I would find "it" here and that worried. I never had to look for drug dealers before ! They were friends of friends that became acquaintance for the sole reason that I wanted dope. In that stance I was lucky. I just went to their place and used it. They were never relunctant when I wanted to pay later because I was always true to my world and did pay them later. The day right after actually as I never enjoyed owing anyone anything.

With that in mind, I made myself a big fat line of "ké" as we called it. I enjoyed working the powder, it was something you never had with cocaine. The more you worked it, the bigger the line would get. We said the line made babies in our high state. I just thought of it as a bonus. I then managed to snort on it, there was the burn I felt in my left nostril afterwards and swallowed the mixed ketamine and mucus that went down my throat. It used to taste awful but I don't feel it anymore. Actually you're not supposed to swallow it as it is very bad for your kidneys but whatever right. We wouldn't want it to go to waste right ? And by we I mean myself of course.

I then proceeded to get out of my room, all cheerful and clumsy like the seemingly drunk person I appeared to be to the unexperienced eye. I found my way to a dreadful pub not to far from the lovely apartment where I now lived. It was to be the first time I ever set my foot in a pub. As weird as it surely sounded, I'm not really the drinker. I think alcohol taste bad and that there's not use in get drunk. I'd rather get stoned and that's what I did whenever I could. To forget the loneliness and the fact that there was no use in me being alive. I was the dullest person you could ever meet.

Got stopped by a skinny angry looking guy with a moustache not long afterwards though.

"What are you doing here little girl, this is no place for you." He said.

I raised an eyebrow at that statement, not in the least impressed by that man. Wasn't surprised though. I hardly reached 5ft and I had a baby face, add to that the curly brown hair that reached my shoulders and you could have easily mistaken me for a toddler.

"I'm 22 mate, now piss off." I simply stated.

That man wasn't having it though, he quickly turned a bright shade of red. I thought for a second that he was going to slap me. He threw his pint against the wall opposing me, leaving me covered with beer. I fucking reeked of beer !

"What the fuck man ! That was so uncalled for, what's your fucking problem ?!" I yelled at him.

I hated the smell of beer, reminded me of the useless piece of garbage I had to call dad.

"You're my fucking problem froggy ! You're lucky I don't hit girls or I would have smashed your fucking face with my fucking pint !" he yelled back, way louder than me.

I am of course rephrasing his words with what I understood of it. I would be able to recall the scottish slang he used for I didn't understand it at the time. I still don't get it, but I'd say it is approximately what the guy said.

We stared at each other for a really tensed 5 seconds in which I was very much afraid but tried to appear confident. His pals quickly came to his help. Or maybe mine? Probably mine. This guy's fucking psycho!

They were quite disparate. There was a bleached blond guy, let's call him Madonna. A ginger one with really short hair. Another blond one which hair was naturally so, and quite curly. And another one, skinny, short, and dumb looking though he seemed like a nice fellow. They were trying to soothe him. The last one came to me and gave me his hand to shake.

"Hi my name is Spud." He said.

Actually he said way more than this but that's all I understood. He had the strongest accent of them all. I think he went on and on about how "the beggar" wasn't that bad when you grew to know him, he just had a short temper. See if I care man. What interested me in this Spud was that he looked like a user. As a user you tend to acquire a "drug-addict radar", with this fellow there was no use for it, it was just too obvious.

" Hi. What's your poison ?" I answered.

No useless introduction I went straight to the point. I had no intention to get to know these guys, especially with the fucking moustache man being part of their gang, if they weren't to be any of use to me.

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 **I hope you guys enjoyed it, I'm looking forward to hear your impressions on the matter.**

 **See you soon.**


	2. Medication

**Boredom: Chapter 1**

I had never been to a place like this before. It was were the junkies went to die or in this case get really fucking high. This place was a mess. As were the owner which they called Mothersuperior. He looked like a skinhead to me but whatever, he seemed as nice as he was fucked up.

There lived a baby as well. A fucking baby ! Was I too pure for this world or was it the worst place ever to raise a child, I'd say the latter. But I was there to tell them how to live, I was there to find my dearest ketamine.

Spud had been really keen to bring me to this place. He told me about everything he had been abusing but surprisingly he had never used ketamine before, how odd. There were two of his friends that came as well. Madonna who had failed to acknowledged my existence until now. The guy looked quite smug, and to add to it he couldn't shut up about Sean Connery. I had never seen a James Bond movie in my entire live, I'm sure that had I told him, he would have had the stroke the poor sod.

The ginger skinhead came as well, he said his name was Mark but people called him Renton/Rent-boy. He wasn't the most talkative either, I could live with it.

"Spud ! Are you brain dead or something ? You're not supposed to bring children in here." He exclaimed in a quite theatrical way.

The man lived for the show.

Anyway, said the man who has a fucking baby in here. A place where heroin apparently is being used.

I had never been in company of heroin abusers before. There's always a first though.

"I am 22 as I already told the beggar before." I sighed.

Couldn't be bothered.

The altercation got me back on the ground way too soon, even though ketamine is not a substance that last very long.

"What beggar ?" the proceeded to ask the Sean Connery one man fanclub.

"The guy with the moustache, Spud said he was a beggar."

They laughed for a about a second or two. I wouldn't say they had been amused by it, but they laughed for it was a situation were you were expected to I guess.

"The name's Begbie." He then said. "Nonetheless, it was expected of a foreigner such as you to make a mistake like this out of confusion." He added.

How kind of him to understand… dickhead.

Mothersuperior came to me again, he wanted to do proper introduction. What's the fun in that ?

"Hi, the name's Swanney, welcome to my lair. And sorry I thought you were no more than a teenager."

I couldn't and wouldn't blame him that, as I said, used to it.

"My name's Judith, but you can call me Jude. Yes I've heard of the Beatles, the nickname's no coincidence. Would you happen to have any ketamine ?"

I used to be more friendly than this, I was very much friendly actually. It's when I learned that being friendly meant that people would take advantage of you that I stopped being so.

The man looked at me weirdly, so did the other.

"She's quite odd the girl you brought here Spud." He stated.

Okay, I guess sticking a dirty needle in your arm is the norm here. Wasn't aware of that.

"It's been a long time since anyone asked me some. People tend to be more interested in the usual stuff: cocaine, speed, and heroin. You know." He argued.

"It's cheap, it's easy to do and find, it feels fucking great. Should I go on ?"

I looked at him with the ghost of a sneer. You weren't to sneer at people, it's not proper.

"Well I don't have it, but I could get you some I guess."

"If you were to, you will come to see that I am quite the loyal customer." I said cheerfully.

He smiled at me and I smiled back. They all seemed nice in here, at different level but you always had to stay on your garde in this sort of environment. It wasn't the safest and the moral here was twisted.

I sat on the floor next to Renton who was cooking some.

"Does anyone have a mirror in here ?" I asked.

The mother of the baby I guess handed me one with an engaging smile, I smiled back.

"I'm going to snort some ketamine, does anybody want some ?"

They all raised their hands.

"Do you know what it does ?" I then asked again.

Of course Sweeny Todd knew, the rest didn't. Which came as a surprise to me. I would have thought heroin addicts would know about any drugs existing, how narrow minded of me.

"Well, it's a horse tranquillizer. It comes in liquid form originally but you cook it on a pan to produce this powder here and then you snort the fuck out it. You look like you're drunk, you feel high functioning, spoilers you're not, you just feel very nice I'd say. Like you're on a cloud, everyone's your friend and there's nothing to worry about. You're good."

They nodded, not very convinced but hey, it was free of course they were going to take it.

I then began working on the powder with my ID and a membership card for the gym.

"You see it expanding right ? It's giving birth. That's why you should always put a small dose and then work on it as it can be very deceiving. If you find that there's not enough matter, feel free to add to it."

I made myself a big line, the others were not so big. I wasn't out of selfishness though.

"I am making you smaller lines than mine simply because of the fact that you never had some before. And it's the same as with cocaine, the more you use it, the bigger the line. There's no point in you having big ones for now, quite the opposite. If you are to do some again, wouldn't it be better to not have to have a lot ? Except for you Swenney, ever had some ?"

"I did actually, even though you gave us quite the explanation here."

"Care for a bigger one ?"

"That would be lovely lass."

I made him one as big as mine.

"If I could give you lot one last piece of advice, never snort your line with a bill. It's the dirtiest thing ever."

I could see I was being silly to them, I mean they shared fucking needles but hey, I couldn't help but tell them.

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed it.**


	3. I appear missing

I had come to know these guys for the past few months. I mean some of these guys… Okay maybe just Spud and Sweeney. The girl who lived there didn't speak much, all she cared about was get a fix and her baby, in this particular order as sad as it may sound. I would trust Sweeney with my life that's a fact but wasn't it what I was actually doing ? Buying him dope and stuff ?

He quickly learned how to cook ketamine and his stuff was good stuff. Real strong and it lasted longer than the one I used to buy from my so called friend back it France. It may have had something to do with the fact that he tended to burn it from time to time. Who knows.

I came to really like Spud. Okay the guy had been finished with piss but he was a nice fellow.

I hadn't seen Mark nor Simon again, although I apparently had to thank Mark for the ketamine as he was the one stealing it from the vet. And I had never set a foot back at the pub nor was I intending to.

It was just another day at Sweeney's, I never stayed longer than I had there. I didn't like the atmosphere, it was twisted. As I said, it looked like the place junkies came to die so yeah, not a big fan.

I was there to buy what you're all very much aware that I use so let's not be redundant and name it again. That's when Spud decided to invite me to a come to a Club. They were apparently all going out tonight.

"Hum I'm not sure Spud…"

"Come on, it'll be fun ! I have to introduce you to my jewish princess, I'm sure you'll like her!"

I had come to realize, I had a soft spot for him. Therefore I had a hard time saying no.

"Alright."

They were playing shitty music. The type of music they play in clubs now. Electronic music. I hate it really. I've been here two seconds and I already hate it. I don't think I'm going to have a good time.

They're all into the deeps of the said club, I come to them.

They're all cheery and stuff, I'm being my usual moody self.

"Hey ! I'm glad you came !" exclaimed Spud.

He was sitting next to Tommy, I didn't see him a lot so I wouldn't say I was familiar with the guy. I only knew he didn't used. Good for him, really no sarcasm intended.

I sat not far from them. They were arguing about their mutual girlfriends, sweet.

Simon wasn't far from us, in fact he was at same table but surrounded by two ladies. One looked bored, the other one was exploring his amygdales. That's when I saw it, the little pill on his tongue that the other girl proceeded to take and then swallow. Was that ecstasy? If so, did he had some left? I was very much interested, especially if I didn't wanted to die of boredom here. I must have stared at him for too long for he gave me a smug look. Actually half smug half startled, the guy always looked smug. Fucking dickhead.

I couldn't afford to be mean though so I smiled at me. I hoped I wasn't sending him weird signals for that matter.

Standing up, I gave him the "follow me elsewhere" look. I made my way close to the bathroom and he followed me there. I wasn't very confortable talking about drugs in a crowded place.

"What do you want ?"

Of course he asked straight away.

"Hum, I saw your little exchange just there and…"

He interrupted me, the bastard.

"If you want a little shag, no problem but I'm busy tonight." He said cooly.

I would gladly put him on a pan to fucking fry !

"No you got me wrong dude, I wanted to know if you had some magic pills left for fuck sake."

He raised an eyebrow.

"I do actually why ? You want one ?"

"I would very much like it yeah. If you want, I'll do you three big lines of ké in exchange during our night out and we would call it even ?" I offered.

The deal seamed fair if you ask me.

"Yeah alright, no problem. Let's go to my car."

Getting out of the club, he quickly got in the back of the said car as I followed him but stayed before it.

"Get in for fuck sake girl."

I got in. He gave me a mirror I recalled him doing cocaine on and I quickly put my stuff on it. He added cocaine on it.

"Add it in, I heard it's nice."

We did it from time to time where I used to live, when we wanted to stay awake longer but still be numb from ketamine. Wasn't a fan but hey, free cocaine.

We're were so fucked up.

I did the lines and he proceeded to snort his using only his nostril. I needed a little help but I mean, look at his nose man. Of course he can do it with the nostril only. Then he put the ecstasy on his tongue.

"Aw come on man ! I'm not going to kiss you !"

He raised an eyebrow and gave me a look as if saying "Well you fucking have too as it's how I do it."

I tried my best to not seem utterly disgusted at the idea. Not that he wasn't attractive, he sure was. The guy was sick, you could see it.

Invigorated by what I just had, the kiss wasn't as bad as I anticipated.

* * *

Half an hour later, I turned into a fucking Care Bear. There I was, embracing everyone no matter if I knew them of not. I made friends with a guy outside, I think he was the guy who was supposed to stop fights inside or some stuff like that, I'm not sure. But there I was, talking to him.

"You know Eddie." The name was Eddie. "I really like your accent because I can understand it really well, it's nice. Where are you from?"

Eddie was a black man, in his late thirties I would say. He was twice my height and size but a very patient man you had to give him that.

"Birmingham."

He wasn't a talktative lot, couldn't blame him. The guy was working.

"It's in the midlands right ? I find that for instance, people from Nottingham have quite a strong accent. From Birmingham not really, there's both in the midlands though. Care to explain ?"

I think he would have hanged himself given the means.

Someone grabbed my arm, it was Simon.

"Let's have a trip back to the car alright ?"

I nodded quite happily and then proceeded to wink in a not at all discreet manner. Such as the "wink wink, nudge nudge" man in the Monty Python Sketch.

The men both sighed, one from annoyance, the other from relief.

* * *

 **There you go.**


	4. Go with the Flow

**Here comes a fresh new chapter. Hope you guys enjoy it and I'll try my best not be so slow to post new time !**

 **Enjoy !**

* * *

 **Boredom: Chapter 3**

« REEEENTOOOOOOOON ! WHERE IS HE ? WHERE'S THIS CUTIE PIE ?!" I yelled as we got out of the club.

Renton was nowhere to be found.

"REEEEEENTOOOOOOON !"

"Will you shut up!" interjects Simon.

Spud was gone, he left completely drunk with his girlfriend. Tommy, well I couldn't care less about the bloke as I didn't knew him well. That left Simon and myself. Plus Renton although I couldn't find him.

Let me explain as to why was I so eager to find the guy. It was as simple as this: the guy was a fucking vegetarian apparently and so was I. Therefore I wanted to find him in order to hug the fuck out of him. It wasn't often that I came across fellow vegetarians. To add to it, I was really high. I had two ecstasy remember? I would normally have one in a night out, I would normally cut the one I had in half and split it during the evening. Here I didn't had much choice as to how to take it.

"It's your fault man if I am like this ! I had twooooo !" I whined.

He looked at me as if offended.

"Excuse me ? You could have just said no, you're a fucking adult !"

I began to make my way elsewhere, wanting to go home. I was completely out of it. I had never been really good at memorizing my way across one point to another. Here I was completely lost.

I stopped on my tracks, made my way back and forth for about two minutes and a half. Figured that maybe pointing my arms in different ways would help figure out where it was that I fucking lived and gave up. I just sat where I stopped.

"I guess I live here now. Bye Simon !"

The man wasn't amused by it. Except I wasn't joking in anyway. He tried to lift me up but I kept acting like a spoiled brat in a supermarket who keeps making his way back to the ground.

"Come on ! I'm not your fucking babysitter your cunt and I have plans for tonight !" he spat angrily.

I was back on my feet in no time, the man was big, I looked like a child next to him. He threw me in the back seat of his car, one of the girls I saw before sat in the front next to him.

We made our way back to his place. Dreadful place even though less terrible than mothersuperior's. I quickly fell asleep on the couch only to be awoken by their moaning from time to time during the night. Of course they had to shag while I slept here. I was too tired to care though. And they weren't embarrassed in the slightest.

When I awoke, the girl was gone. Simon was snoring on the bed, it left me some time to analyse the room in a new light. Actually in daylight would be more appropriate. The place had been left in utter darkness during the evening, which I am obliged to be thankful for as I would have been scarred for life had I seen their intimate parts during their multiple intercourse. It was a normal thing for them to have sex in a room where someone else was, their hormones couldn't be mastered. The youth they would say.

Still wasn't used to it you know. It was part of a normal day or night out to be quite frank.

Anyway, the apartment wasn't very big, which was of course to be expected: the man was no millionaire. It was messy but not in a dirty way, I would call it "masculine" if I was to be sexist. Mine was messier than this and I was a girl but that wasn't the point here.

That's when it hit me, the smell. I reeked of transpiration. Of course I did. I was jumping all over the place just a few hours ago. I hadn't had the opportunity to brush my teeth and it was something I was quite passionate about.

I made my way to the bed where Blondie was and shook him for a while. His answer wasn't very clear though it may have had something to do with the fact that his was smothered under a pillow. Wasn't he snoring that I would have checked for a pulse.

"Simon !" I yelped.

"Shuuut up…." He groaned painfully.

"I need to shower please."

He pushed me with what little force he had left, pointing in the direction of the bathroom.

"Could I borrow a shirt ?"

Another groan, not very distinctive but I took it as a positive answer.

Some time later I was out of the shower with too big of a shirt, the same underwear and pants but definitely relieved.

When I got out of the bathroom, Sick boy was up.

"Hello sleeping beauty." I said happily to the guy.

The man was too busy snorting a line of coke. He had made three. Even for me it was too early… He was good to function afterwards.

"Hi." He simply answered.

"Okay, I know I was a pain in the arse yesterday. Didn't mean to though."

"Actually you were quite funny and I still shagged the bird so we're okay."

I nodded in response, satisfied.

"My shirt doesn't suit you by the way."

As if I wasn't very much aware of that. I looked like a four year old who would have tried on one of his dad's shirt. Not very fitting I'd say.

He was very much amused by it, the bastard.

"Anyway, any chance you could give me a lift home ?" I asked hopefully.

"Don't own a car."

He had another line of delicious cocaine.

"But how ?"

"The car was hers. Take the bus." He replied completely indifferent to my petty problems.

I was blown away, had no idea where we fucking were in the first place. I made my way to him, gave him a hard glance. Much like a disappointed mother and had the last line of cocaine.

"Need it for courage."

And with that I was gone.

* * *

 **See you guys soon.**


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